People are sometimes surprised to find out I graduated from Film School, I guess I don’t fit the stereotype. I worked in the industry for a while, and it was great, but truth be told, one major thing I gained from my education is this ridiculous tendency to imagine the voiceover commentary of my life. If any of you have seen The Holiday and remember Cameron Diaz’s character you know exactly what I’m talking about.
I wish I could tell you it was always these super important and valuable things I think about. And that this “someday I’ll remember” title is the story of me reflecting on the beauty of my baby boy and how much I’ll miss this time when he’s grown up, but it’s far less important than any of that. Last night I was giving Hudson a bath, looking at my chipped nails, and thought “someday I’ll post a photo of myself getting a manicure and imagined the voiceover reminding me of the days when I would look at my chipped nails and dream about getting my nails done again.” True story, I love having my nails done, it brings me more happiness than it should, and I was just kinda lusting after the days of regularly scheduled manicures. I’m ridiculous I know.
And then I had this epiphany. It’s a reoccurring epiphany these days, I don’t want to live in what I hope will someday be. From the tiny things to the giant things – I don’t want to live in the someday. We are dreamers, Jake and I. People ask what we’d like to do, and I feel like I should ask how much time they have. Seriously, SO MANY IDEAS, so many hopes, so many dreams, so many plans. And it’s so easy for me to just focus on what will come of this, and what will come of that, and someday when we do this this thing will look like this. But in that, I miss all of the right now. I miss appreciating my Husband, I miss enjoying watching Hudson grow and change and develop his own feisty personality, I miss all that God wants to teach me right now.That balance of dreaming and living in the moment has never been my strength; so for now I’m waking up each day and praying for the ability to be present, to live for right now, to soak it all in, to someday remember the really important things, because tomorrow it’ll be gone, and nothing will get it back.
Our life is a blink, breathe in the day friends; the good, the bad, the hard, the exciting, all of it!
So much love! xoxo, Jac